Sideways... What Would You Do?

Students are great, mindfulness lessons are great, and now what?  When things are going well, it’s hard to accept unexpected…  Sideways.  My heart begins to race.  I notice I don’t feel comfortable to let things happen that cause my anxiety.  I knew it would happen because nothing is perfect after all.  

It was a lesson about heartfulness.  Students shared their understanding of heartfulness from the previous lessons.  Today, I planned to extend the situations to the playground.  I invited my students to take a couple of breaths.  I started to tell one scenario.  

One student purposely rushed her breaths.  Someone giggled,  Sideway eye contact among these students.  On the other side of the circle, one student kept poking another student.  I noticed all at once and panicked.  I screamed in my head, “Knock it off!” 

Then I realized how pathetic my self-talk was.  Soon I noticed my heartbeat beating way stronger.  At this time, I told myself, “pause.”  I paused.  I put a book on the floor and put my hands over my heart to settle myself down.  At the same time, I was waiting (hoping) for students to calm down.  They did.  

I spoke from my heart, “I apologize that I can no longer continue this lesson because I am very disturbed by some of your choices.”  Then, I pulled out a Restorative Justice questioning poster.  I kept my hands on my heart and calmly said, “What I still need is your understanding, respect, and perhaps an apology.  If you know your behavior choice might have caused my pain, please stay in this circle before recess.”

Initially I expected two students would come forward.  They are good kids, after all.  Surprisingly, 7 students came forward, each explained how sorry it is that their side-conversation or lack of attention caused pain in their teacher’s heart.  I said, “Your apology is accepted,” sincerely to each child including those whom I didn’t notice at that time.  

The heartfulness lesson went sideways, but my heart was full.  I can revisit the rest of the lesson next week.  I handled the sideway by seamlessly transitioning to the authentic conversation.  Students are great and the lesson went well, after all.  I feel very grateful.