Restorative Justice Meeting in Action

Life is so imperfect and that makes our life beautiful.  Allowing mistakes is brave.  Being compassionate is courageous.  Wanting to mend the problems is hopeful.  These elements are all in our Restorative Justice Meeting.  Although a restorative justice meeting is new for me and my students, we are getting a better understanding and good juice out of it.  

One student came up to me in the middle of group work with a bit of a concerned face.  She showed a little piece of ripped notebook paper and told me, “This was on my friend's desk. I don’t know who did it, but it has a very mean comment.”  I asked her, “Why are you telling me this?  Is your friend  supposed to tell me?”  She continued, “She could, but I was upset. For the meanness.” I said, “Okay.  Do you want to bring it up to our Restorative Justice Meeting? Are you able to bring it up in the circle?”  She agreed.

T: From your point of view, what happened?

S1: I saw a note on my friend’s desk and it was so disturbing.”

T: What were you thinking at the time?

S1: Who can do this to the classmates?

T: What do you think needs to be done?

S1:  I don’t know, but I want to know who did it.

T: Do you feel complete for now?

S1: Yes.

I did the same routine with Student 2.  She found the note on the desk.  She seemed still upset, however, she answered in a calm way possible.  After that, a few students beckoned me for their responses.  I passed a talking ball to Student 3.  “I am disappointed to learn something like this happened in this classroom.  If we don’t know who did it, it might happen to me next.  I feel unsafe.”  Student 4 spoke with a talking ball, “That person should come forward and apologize.”  Few more students expressed their disappointments.  Then, I throw my comment, “I think whoever did this must feel terrible by listening to this conversation. I think this person will most unlikely do the same thing again.  Do we still have to know who did it?”  Half of the students nodded strongly and half of them were not sure.  Student 5 had a turn to speak, “I don’t think we should know but at least approach the person directly and personally and apologize.”  Everybody showed the “agree” signal right in front of them.

Right before I was about to wrap up, another student mentioned, “But what would we do if something like this happens again?”  I took a deep breath and said, “Let’s come back to mindfulness.  Did you notice you are worried about your future?  And also did you notice we just made a hopeful solution in class?  Right now, we are content with the solution.  Let’s celebrate one  at a time.  If our solution wouldn’t work, that’s when we can address.  Does it sound okay for you?”  She smiled.  

I broke a circle and let students to go to recess.  And a couple of students hesitantly walked over to me.  One burst out, “It was me.  I was playing around with another student and the paper was supposed to be on his desk, not hers.  I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings at all.”  He looked terrified and about to cry.  Another student was standing by him, seemed like his moral support.  As I didn’t expect anyone come forward, I was in shock for a few seconds.  I said, “You look very upset.  You must feel guilty by being caused her pain.  Am I right?”  “I was about to tell in the big circle.”  “Alright, I appreciate your honesty.  Don’t you think she deserves your story and apology?” I asked.  He said, “I will tell her now.”  Then I added, “If you didn’t write a joke note, this never happened,  Do you think it should not happen again?”  He declared, “I won’t do it again.  Now I  go find her.”  

Children make mistakes.  Each mistake is the perfect opportunity to learn how to solve it or make things better.  When students have a strong sense of belonging to their learning community, they will all learn, grow, and share compassion and forgiveness.  

Think Aloud: Sideways... What Would You Do?

Think Aloud: Sideways... What Would You Do?: Students are great, mindfulness lessons are great, and now what?  When things are going well, it’s hard to accept unexpected…   Sideways...

Sideways... What Would You Do?

Students are great, mindfulness lessons are great, and now what?  When things are going well, it’s hard to accept unexpected…  Sideways.  My heart begins to race.  I notice I don’t feel comfortable to let things happen that cause my anxiety.  I knew it would happen because nothing is perfect after all.  

It was a lesson about heartfulness.  Students shared their understanding of heartfulness from the previous lessons.  Today, I planned to extend the situations to the playground.  I invited my students to take a couple of breaths.  I started to tell one scenario.  

One student purposely rushed her breaths.  Someone giggled,  Sideway eye contact among these students.  On the other side of the circle, one student kept poking another student.  I noticed all at once and panicked.  I screamed in my head, “Knock it off!” 

Then I realized how pathetic my self-talk was.  Soon I noticed my heartbeat beating way stronger.  At this time, I told myself, “pause.”  I paused.  I put a book on the floor and put my hands over my heart to settle myself down.  At the same time, I was waiting (hoping) for students to calm down.  They did.  

I spoke from my heart, “I apologize that I can no longer continue this lesson because I am very disturbed by some of your choices.”  Then, I pulled out a Restorative Justice questioning poster.  I kept my hands on my heart and calmly said, “What I still need is your understanding, respect, and perhaps an apology.  If you know your behavior choice might have caused my pain, please stay in this circle before recess.”

Initially I expected two students would come forward.  They are good kids, after all.  Surprisingly, 7 students came forward, each explained how sorry it is that their side-conversation or lack of attention caused pain in their teacher’s heart.  I said, “Your apology is accepted,” sincerely to each child including those whom I didn’t notice at that time.  

The heartfulness lesson went sideways, but my heart was full.  I can revisit the rest of the lesson next week.  I handled the sideway by seamlessly transitioning to the authentic conversation.  Students are great and the lesson went well, after all.  I feel very grateful.

Think Aloud: Gift of Gratitude: Lessons from Bowling

Think Aloud: Gift of Gratitude: Lessons from Bowling: Friday evening is fun to get together at the bowling alley.  After letting   a heavy ball to roll and it knocks all pins, the excitement...

Gift of Gratitude: Lessons from Bowling

Friday evening is fun to get together at the bowling alley.  After letting  a heavy ball to roll and it knocks all pins, the excitement is unspeakable joy.  Sharing these feelings among friends and families is a bonus.

However, this heavy bowl is so hard to control.  It doesn’t knock all pins every single time.  Sometimes a bowl hit some and sometimes it doesn’t hit at all. And we all somewhat get disappointed, although we keep smiling to hide our disappointment.

I found these events in the bowling alley as the life analogy.  Having a good intention doesn’t mean we are always successful.

We focus on knocking all pins down, which is great.  When it doesn’t work, keep trying until your 10th throw in a game.  When you lose your focus, too bad.  But if you keep focusing at each throw, give yourself a credit on you are trying.  You might be thinking what didn’t work and what you want to do differently in the next throw.  It is a reflective process.  If you show and feel your progress, it is great!  But if not, you still have a great intention and you keep trying until the end of the game.

When you wonder why someone wouldn’t understand your intention, think about the bowling game.  And keep trying with a frequent reflection process.  Sometimes you knock all pins while you would miss many times.  But as long as you have genuine good intention, you will have fun.  And no matter how many pins fall, let’s celebrate after the game!