Restorative Justice Meeting in Action

Life is so imperfect and that makes our life beautiful.  Allowing mistakes is brave.  Being compassionate is courageous.  Wanting to mend the problems is hopeful.  These elements are all in our Restorative Justice Meeting.  Although a restorative justice meeting is new for me and my students, we are getting a better understanding and good juice out of it.  

One student came up to me in the middle of group work with a bit of a concerned face.  She showed a little piece of ripped notebook paper and told me, “This was on my friend's desk. I don’t know who did it, but it has a very mean comment.”  I asked her, “Why are you telling me this?  Is your friend  supposed to tell me?”  She continued, “She could, but I was upset. For the meanness.” I said, “Okay.  Do you want to bring it up to our Restorative Justice Meeting? Are you able to bring it up in the circle?”  She agreed.

T: From your point of view, what happened?

S1: I saw a note on my friend’s desk and it was so disturbing.”

T: What were you thinking at the time?

S1: Who can do this to the classmates?

T: What do you think needs to be done?

S1:  I don’t know, but I want to know who did it.

T: Do you feel complete for now?

S1: Yes.

I did the same routine with Student 2.  She found the note on the desk.  She seemed still upset, however, she answered in a calm way possible.  After that, a few students beckoned me for their responses.  I passed a talking ball to Student 3.  “I am disappointed to learn something like this happened in this classroom.  If we don’t know who did it, it might happen to me next.  I feel unsafe.”  Student 4 spoke with a talking ball, “That person should come forward and apologize.”  Few more students expressed their disappointments.  Then, I throw my comment, “I think whoever did this must feel terrible by listening to this conversation. I think this person will most unlikely do the same thing again.  Do we still have to know who did it?”  Half of the students nodded strongly and half of them were not sure.  Student 5 had a turn to speak, “I don’t think we should know but at least approach the person directly and personally and apologize.”  Everybody showed the “agree” signal right in front of them.

Right before I was about to wrap up, another student mentioned, “But what would we do if something like this happens again?”  I took a deep breath and said, “Let’s come back to mindfulness.  Did you notice you are worried about your future?  And also did you notice we just made a hopeful solution in class?  Right now, we are content with the solution.  Let’s celebrate one  at a time.  If our solution wouldn’t work, that’s when we can address.  Does it sound okay for you?”  She smiled.  

I broke a circle and let students to go to recess.  And a couple of students hesitantly walked over to me.  One burst out, “It was me.  I was playing around with another student and the paper was supposed to be on his desk, not hers.  I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings at all.”  He looked terrified and about to cry.  Another student was standing by him, seemed like his moral support.  As I didn’t expect anyone come forward, I was in shock for a few seconds.  I said, “You look very upset.  You must feel guilty by being caused her pain.  Am I right?”  “I was about to tell in the big circle.”  “Alright, I appreciate your honesty.  Don’t you think she deserves your story and apology?” I asked.  He said, “I will tell her now.”  Then I added, “If you didn’t write a joke note, this never happened,  Do you think it should not happen again?”  He declared, “I won’t do it again.  Now I  go find her.”  

Children make mistakes.  Each mistake is the perfect opportunity to learn how to solve it or make things better.  When students have a strong sense of belonging to their learning community, they will all learn, grow, and share compassion and forgiveness.  

Think Aloud: Sideways... What Would You Do?

Think Aloud: Sideways... What Would You Do?: Students are great, mindfulness lessons are great, and now what?  When things are going well, it’s hard to accept unexpected…   Sideways...

Sideways... What Would You Do?

Students are great, mindfulness lessons are great, and now what?  When things are going well, it’s hard to accept unexpected…  Sideways.  My heart begins to race.  I notice I don’t feel comfortable to let things happen that cause my anxiety.  I knew it would happen because nothing is perfect after all.  

It was a lesson about heartfulness.  Students shared their understanding of heartfulness from the previous lessons.  Today, I planned to extend the situations to the playground.  I invited my students to take a couple of breaths.  I started to tell one scenario.  

One student purposely rushed her breaths.  Someone giggled,  Sideway eye contact among these students.  On the other side of the circle, one student kept poking another student.  I noticed all at once and panicked.  I screamed in my head, “Knock it off!” 

Then I realized how pathetic my self-talk was.  Soon I noticed my heartbeat beating way stronger.  At this time, I told myself, “pause.”  I paused.  I put a book on the floor and put my hands over my heart to settle myself down.  At the same time, I was waiting (hoping) for students to calm down.  They did.  

I spoke from my heart, “I apologize that I can no longer continue this lesson because I am very disturbed by some of your choices.”  Then, I pulled out a Restorative Justice questioning poster.  I kept my hands on my heart and calmly said, “What I still need is your understanding, respect, and perhaps an apology.  If you know your behavior choice might have caused my pain, please stay in this circle before recess.”

Initially I expected two students would come forward.  They are good kids, after all.  Surprisingly, 7 students came forward, each explained how sorry it is that their side-conversation or lack of attention caused pain in their teacher’s heart.  I said, “Your apology is accepted,” sincerely to each child including those whom I didn’t notice at that time.  

The heartfulness lesson went sideways, but my heart was full.  I can revisit the rest of the lesson next week.  I handled the sideway by seamlessly transitioning to the authentic conversation.  Students are great and the lesson went well, after all.  I feel very grateful.

Think Aloud: Gift of Gratitude: Lessons from Bowling

Think Aloud: Gift of Gratitude: Lessons from Bowling: Friday evening is fun to get together at the bowling alley.  After letting   a heavy ball to roll and it knocks all pins, the excitement...

Gift of Gratitude: Lessons from Bowling

Friday evening is fun to get together at the bowling alley.  After letting  a heavy ball to roll and it knocks all pins, the excitement is unspeakable joy.  Sharing these feelings among friends and families is a bonus.

However, this heavy bowl is so hard to control.  It doesn’t knock all pins every single time.  Sometimes a bowl hit some and sometimes it doesn’t hit at all. And we all somewhat get disappointed, although we keep smiling to hide our disappointment.

I found these events in the bowling alley as the life analogy.  Having a good intention doesn’t mean we are always successful.

We focus on knocking all pins down, which is great.  When it doesn’t work, keep trying until your 10th throw in a game.  When you lose your focus, too bad.  But if you keep focusing at each throw, give yourself a credit on you are trying.  You might be thinking what didn’t work and what you want to do differently in the next throw.  It is a reflective process.  If you show and feel your progress, it is great!  But if not, you still have a great intention and you keep trying until the end of the game.

When you wonder why someone wouldn’t understand your intention, think about the bowling game.  And keep trying with a frequent reflection process.  Sometimes you knock all pins while you would miss many times.  But as long as you have genuine good intention, you will have fun.  And no matter how many pins fall, let’s celebrate after the game!

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Think Aloud: Scattered Mind

Think Aloud: Scattered Mind: “I cannot meditate because my mind is too busy,” someone told me a few years ago.  It was before I was in the mindfulness world.   I s...

Scattered Mind

“I cannot meditate because my mind is too busy,” someone told me a few years ago.  It was before I was in the mindfulness world.  I simply didn’t know how to respond.  I wondered if that was true.  But with my lack of knowledge, I didn’t have a clear answer and this incident was buried deep into my thinking cabinet.

Mindfulness is to be aware of the present moment.   We are seldom aware of what’s going on because of our fast paced world.  We are able to predict what might happen fairly accurately so we maintain and feel a busyness all the time.  That became automated so that when this fast paced life slows down or stops, our anxiety arises.  At this point, it’s easy to blame on ourselves or other factors that slow down your pace.  Sadly, many of us are in this vicious cycle and are not being able to find the exit, just like a rat running in the wheel.  Only way you can get out from this is to pause.

How do you know when to pause?  It might be a challenge in the beginning, but it’s not impossible.  To practice to be aware of your physical, mental, and/or emotional shift, you can pause.  And your ability of awareness can improve by consistent daily practice.  One of the mis-conceptions of mindfulness is that it is just for quiet people.  Regardless, if you are outspoken or introvert, all of us have minds.  While it is easy to sustain focused for some people, some other people have trouble sustaining focus. 

 Regardless of your mental stage, mindfulness helps you to be aware of what is going on inside and/or outside of you.  You might feel rushed, different agenda coming and going, or just bored.  That is when you pause.  You are afraid of this pause during your day because you don’t feel you have enough time, however, your short pause can make you more productive.   Simple mindfulness practices as short as 1 minute, but daily, can make your awareness improve over time.  

Last week, my 5th graders sat in the circle for the weekly mindfulness lesson.  After one full minute, I asked, “How was your experience?”  Some shared their calmness and peacefulness.  One of the students, on the other hand, explained in the circle, “It’s like different things coming and going and I became anxious.”  I listened to all students, then, summarized, “Thank you for sharing.  I am so glad many you noticed your calmness.  Also, I am happy some of you noticed your anxiety, scattered mind, things coming and going.  Because noticing what is happening is mindfulness.  You are all right on the target.”  This girl exclaimed, “What? Is it okay to get anxious?”  I replied, “It is important to be aware of your busy mind and it’s kind to accept your anxiety.  Because all emotions are important.”  She showed a big grin on her face, satisfied.  

Noticing extremely small things is challenging, especially when you start.  But not noticing anything can be what you are noticing.  Mindful meditation is a tool to support and improve your awareness so you know when to pause.  When you notice your improvement, let’s celebrate.  It takes time, but you are no longer a rat in the wheel.

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Think Aloud: Difficult Relationships

Think Aloud: Difficult Relationships: When we feel connections with others or a sense of belonging, our brain produces happy chemicals like dopamine.   Several connecting mom...

Difficult Relationships

When we feel connections with others or a sense of belonging, our brain produces happy chemicals like dopamine.   Several connecting moments accumulate over time and lead to the relationship.  This process happens between two people, small groups, as large as a room full of people in some cases.  That is why building community activities, often games in the school settings, are both popular and important when the school year starts. Even though some students just rather watch the games, gradually they develop their trust among learning communities.  Sharing laughter often opens the door. 

On a personal level, you might spend time together, walking on a trail, sharing your favorite books, playing cards, etc.  By sharing common experiences, two people feel comfortable with each other.  That is a special feeling as Mariah Carey sings, “We belong together.” 

Unfortunately, some relationships diminish while other relationships survive.  Why does it happen?   How do we make the priority among all relationships that you have in your life?

When we face disagreements or unexpected events that cause problems, we feel uncomfortable.  No one wants to be in an uncomfortable stage.  To escape from conflict, we either pretend nothing has happened or blame the other party.  Obviously, pretending and blaming hurt relationships tremendously.  If these events pile up, do you want to keep that relationship?  Even one episode of your friend blaming you might easily terminate the trust that you have built.  Then, you wonder if that relationship is important to you or if the person or group important to you.  In this screening process, some relationships survive and some don’t.

It comes down to the relationships within yourself.  When you notice some physical and/or emotional discomfort, can you accept it?  Denying your uncomfortable emotions is never healthy.  You might distract yourself by doing something and it works temporarily, but the problematic emotion stays in you.  

Think about a toddler who is severely upset for his lost teddy bear.  Desperate parents would say, “Tommy, here is an ice cream, don’t cry.”  Tommy might stop crying while eating ice cream.  But his teddy bear is gone.  Every time he remembers his teddy bear, do his parents distract him from thinking about his beloved teddy bear?  Instead, hold little Tommy on the lap, a parent help guild Tommy’s emotions, say, “Tommy, it’s so sad, isn’t it?  When we lose something, we are sad.  I know you are angry because we can find your Teddy.  Do you want me to call grandma if Teddy is in her house?”  

Think about Tommy’s story in you as your self-talk.  The lost Teddy is the problem that you are facing in the relationships.  Do you have your advocate in you who tells you, “It is sad, isn’t it? when you had a disagreement with your friend.”  It is okay to feel sad.  Instead of  hiding  or faking your emotions, accept your emotion at a time.  Then, you can explore logical solutions.  If the relationships with the particular person or group is important, you can express your emotions and concerns authentically.  

Speak from your heart.  If your friend listens from his/her heart, that is the kind of relationship that you want to keep.  Authentic relationships overcome hardships because of the willingness of acceptance both in individual and with each other.

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Emotionally Intelligent Check

The students’ school day begins as soon as they step into the classroom.  It is essential for classroom teachers to learn how each individual comes in, emotionally.  

Some students might have had a nightmare that they didn’t have time to tell their parents about.  Lack of sleep, arguments with siblings, illness in the family, etc….  These factors are roots of young students’ anxiety. Many students can mask their true emotions, which is an amazing coping skill. But what can they do when masking skills are no longer an option to cope?

            Teachers care about students so much and are frustrated when they feel limitations in how much they can support children. But teachers need to shift their attitude from desperation to hope.  We can develop our compassion by acknowledging students’ emotions when they walk into the class. 

 The Emotionally Intelligent Checking in System gives me a good overall idea on how my students feel and which students might need extra connections.  This quadrant model is largely known as Mood Meter.  The x-axis represents the pleasantness of the emotion and the y-axis represents the energy level.  For example, depression doesn’t take much energy and is not very pleasant so it is located in the bottom left as the blue zone.  Excitement has high pleasantness and energy, so it is placed on the top right, as the yellow zone.   

 

Prior to starting the system, the class discussed each emotion and its placement.  And we revisit the ordering every couple of weeks so that everybody is on the same page consistently.  

Students practice being aware of how their emotions are at the moment.  This is the fundamental concept of mindfulness. It’s not only a teacher’s tool; some students notice others who come in not feeling energetic and pleasant.  Surprisingly and organically, compassionate glances and interactions happen among students.  

Throughout the day, students come up to this chart and move their names to different locations when they notice their emotions.  They don’t have to scream for help:  I can visit them as I notice their frustrations and other emotions.  And I visit to celebrate when they are excited from new learning.

Teachers can teach children that it’s okay and normal for us to feel different emotions.  When we accept each emotion at each moment, we can make a plan to shift gears.  We can respect and be compassionate with each other and each other’s emotions.  That is a learning community that students want to belong to.  We can totally do it!

The students’ school day begins as soon as they step into the classroom.  It is essential for classroom teachers to learn how each individual comes in, emotionally.  

Some students might have had a nightmare that they didn’t have time to tell their parents about.  Lack of sleep, arguments with siblings, illness in the family, etc….  These factors are roots of young students’ anxiety. Many students can mask their true emotions, which is an amazing coping skill. But what can they do when masking skills are no longer an option to cope?

            Teachers care about students so much and are frustrated when they feel limitations in how much they can support children. But teachers need to shift their attitude from desperation to hope.  We can develop our compassion by acknowledging students’ emotions when they walk into the class. 

 The Emotionally Intelligent Checking in System gives me a good overall idea on how my students feel and which students might need extra connections.  This quadrant model is largely known as Mood Meter.  The x-axis represents the pleasantness of the emotion and the y-axis represents the energy level.  For example, depression doesn’t take much energy and is not very pleasant so it is located in the bottom left as the blue zone.  Excitement has high pleasantness and energy, so it is placed on the top right, as the yellow zone.   

Prior to starting the system, the class discussed each emotion and its placement.  And we revisit the ordering every couple of weeks so that everybody is on the same page consistently.  

Students practice being aware of how their emotions are at the moment.  This is the fundamental concept of mindfulness. It’s not only a teacher’s tool; some students notice others who come in not feeling energetic and pleasant.  Surprisingly and organically, compassionate glances and interactions happen among students.  

Throughout the day, students come up to this chart and move their names to different locations when they notice their emotions.  They don’t have to scream for help:  I can visit them as I notice their frustrations and other emotions.  And I visit to celebrate when they are excited from new learning.

Teachers can teach children that it’s okay and normal for us to feel different emotions.  When we accept each emotion at each moment, we can make a plan to shift gears.  We can respect and be compassionate with each other and each other’s emotions.  That is a learning community that students want to belong to.  We can totally do it!

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Think Aloud: Connection, Relationships, and Happiness

Think Aloud: Connection, Relationships, and Happiness: “Ground yourself” - This expression reminds me of connecting with the earth and the soil.  My recent mini-gardening experiences...

Connection, Relationships, and Happiness

“Ground yourself” - This expression reminds me of connecting with the earth and the soil.  My recent mini-gardening experiences have made me think about the benefits of these connections.  

A newly planted flower is not yet sturdy.  But, as it gets water, fertilizer, and sun, its root becomes stronger and it displays beautiful colors.  This sounds like a metaphor of ourselves: we are the plant, just grounded. As we learn and apply self-care tools such as good nutrition, exercise, and meditation, we empower ourselves and grow.  We become keenly aware of our strength and beauty. We connect with ourselves. When we are connected with ourselves, we feel peaceful.

What about our connections with others?

Yes, indeed, human connection is the key to happiness. A 30 year Harvard study concluded, “....people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community are happier, they’re physically healthier and they live longer than people who are less well connected.”  Thus, it makes sense the building relationships is important in our lives, especially in the education field. Students will become happy by making connections with teachers and each other in their learning community.  

Do these connections have to be with humans?  

Here is one example of a connection with a non-human: I remember the movie Cast Away starring Tom Hanks.  In an extremely isolated situation, the main character, Chuck, makes a connection with a volleyball, Wilson.  Although Wilson is just a ball, he brings Chuck emotions and sanity. The foundation for Chuck’s heroic survival is clear: his relationship with Wilson.  Yes, you can make connections with things other than human beings if you want to.

I go outside to water my flowers and think of what our plants do.  The green provides us oxygen while we provide carbon dioxide. We depend on each other.  Without our relationship, both of us couldn’t survive on our planet. When I recognize this connection, I feel grateful.  It is important for me to keep reminding myself of my gratitude for our connection with plants. When I feel down from the daily hustle, I can look at the small plants. With a few deep breaths, I ground myself at the moment. When I am connected with myself, I am ready to connect with others. Being connected is a beautiful feeling. It leads to a sense of belonging and comfort in the community.  

Extending connections in as many directions as possible gives us a more global view of peace, gratitude, and happiness.  All children and adults deserve to know that.

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Think Aloud: Mindfulness in Swimming

Think Aloud: Mindfulness in Swimming: Mens sana in corpore sano ….. A healthy mind in a healthy body. As a whole, both physical and mental exercise are essential.  Mindf...

Mindfulness in Swimming

Mens sana in corpore sano….. A healthy mind in a healthy body. As a whole, both physical and mental exercise are essential.  Mindfulness meditation helps me create a peaceful and calm space in my busy life.  But, mindfulness doesn’t have to be just sitting still.  We can find various forms of mindfulness in life.  Recently, while I was at the gym, I noticed a moment of mindfulness when I thought, “What’s going on at the moment?”

            If you are a swimmer and swim regularly, forget about your lap times for a while.  Instead, pay attention to your body.  How do your arms feel?  When your right elbow leaves the water, which part feels the air first?  Does the temperature change?  How do your fingertips feel when they touch the new water?   How do you feel when your straightened arm and hand are about to grab the water to push towards your belly?  Do you feel the water’s weight?  Observe your left arm just as you did on the right side.  Is the sensation in each side different to each other or is it the same?  

            In the meantime, extend your curiosity to your belly and bottom.  Is your belly tighten or relaxed?  Is your bottom under the water or above the water?  What happens when you shift your torso to slightly different positions?  Does your tummy feel the wave or not?  

            Remember to observe your legs.  They kick like the motor in a boat.  Are your legs straight or bent?  When your legs are straight, do they feel heavier?  Do your big toes touch each other every kick?  And notice the rhythm of your arm strokes and kicks.  It is as if you were practicing to fit a triplet into a two-beat piano piece.  What a unique and satisfying experience!  

            At the other side of the pool side, you touch the wall, curl your body, kick the wall, and glide your body freely in the opposite direction you came from.  This is when you will feel great appreciation for your healthy body and mind, no matter how hard the week has been.  Time and space are daily gifts for our mind and body.  It doesn’t matter if you sit or not.  It does matter that you feel the connection between your body and your mind.           

Mens sana in corpore sano….. A healthy mind in a healthy body. As a whole, both physical and mental exercise are essential.  Mindfulness meditation helps me create a peaceful and calm space in my busy life.  But, mindfulness doesn’t have to be just sitting still.  We can find various forms of mindfulness in life.  Recently, while I was at the gym, I noticed a moment of mindfulness when I thought, “What’s going on at the moment?”

            If you are a swimmer and swim regularly, forget about your lap times for a while.  Instead, pay attention to your body.  How do your arms feel?  When your right elbow leaves the water, which part feels the air first?  Does the temperature change?  How do your fingertips feel when they touch the new water?   How do you feel when your straightened arm and hand are about to grab the water to push towards your belly?  Do you feel the water’s weight?  Observe your left arm just as you did on the right side.  Is the sensation in each side different to each other or is it the same?  

            In the meantime, extend your curiosity to your belly and bottom.  Is your belly tighten or relaxed?  Is your bottom under the water or above the water?  What happens when you shift your torso to slightly different positions?  Does your tummy feel the wave or not?  

            Remember to observe your legs.  They kick like the motor in a boat.  Are your legs straight or bent?  When your legs are straight, do they feel heavier?  Do your big toes touch each other every kick?  And notice the rhythm of your arm strokes and kicks.  It is as if you were practicing to fit a triplet into a two-beat piano piece.  What a unique and satisfying experience!  

            At the other side of the pool side, you touch the wall, curl your body, kick the wall, and glide your body freely in the opposite direction you came from.  This is when you will feel great appreciation for your healthy body and mind, no matter how hard the week has been.  Time and space are daily gifts for our mind and body.  It doesn’t matter if you sit or not.  It does matter that you feel the connection between your body and your mind.           

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Sensory (Late) Summer

The State Fair has moved out of town.  It means the new school year will be in session soon.  During the end of summer, we see generous amount of colors and smells throughout the Pacific Northwest.  Walking through my residential neighborhood, many front-yard gardens boast their multi-colored dahlias. Some heads are down but some are still strong, as if to show their resilience against their dwindling life expectancy.  Surprisingly, each dahlia shares a different color pattern.  I see purple and white, orange and yellow, orange and white, and pink and white combinations.  Two different colors complement each other, with just the right balance, not too strong or too weak; they get along impressively.  

Stepping into my friend’s garden, I spot uniquely rounded shapes growing down from different trees.  I can hear their nonverbal invitation, “Pick me!”  The light green figs are so round and soft.  A little bit hairy, too! As soon as it hits my tongue, though, a sweet rich juice spreads through my mouth.  So rich.  I pick a fruit from another tree.  It’s a different kind of round and it is very hard.  Crunch!  The sweet juice shoots through my teeth and it is so satisfying.  How beautifully different the sweetness that Asian pears create is!  

Along the fence, tiny white, bell-like flowers call to me.  That fragrance!  Without putting it anything in my mouth, my nose falls in love with this sweetness.  In another garden, fully grown lilies show off their gorgeous scent from afar.   My senses are overwhelmed. So I take a deep breath.

I know wild blackberries wait for me on the walking trail.  Yes, I will be there soon.  Summer in our area is the best season of the year.  My eyes, nose, and mouth enjoy the heavenly consortium of colors, scents, and sweetness every day.  And at night, my ears catch the echo of sounds far from our neighborhood that the wind carries.  That is when I feel full of gratitude.  I will miss summer leaving us so soon, but I decided to enjoy this moment because I feel happy and peaceful. I take another deep breath.

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